The following are some quotes on love, relationship and marriage that I have collected over many years that have inspired, informed and shaped both my personal life and the work that I do with couples.
“There is value, when choosing a long-term partner, in realizing that you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years.” (Dan Wile, After the Honeymoon)
“When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you’re sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship. It’s the reunion of the separated dyad. Originally you were one, and you are now two in the world. But the recognition of the spiritual identity is what marriage is.” And Campbell says, “It’s primarily a spiritual exercise.”
“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another.” (Thomas Merton)
“I’ve always believed in numbers and the equations and logics that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask, ‘What truly is logic? Who decides reason?’ My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional – and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life: It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found.” (John Nash, A Beautiful Mind)
“In transformative relationships, partners learn to face difficult truths about themselves. Friction between dueling egos are necessary for growth, but ultimately must be sacrificed on the altar of a greater good, and ultimate potential. Wholeness becomes a harmony of “I” and “you” – a transformative and transcendent unity.” (Paul Smerz, seminar at the C.G. Jung Institute, 2015).
“Where love rules, there is no will to power. And where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other. People think that hate is the opposite of love. It’s not. It’s power.” (Carl Jung)
“Explicit or covert conflict is inevitable and universal in relationships. People have different ideas, values, and beliefs so there must be disagreement. Part of the creativity of nature, and our participation in the divine drama is to work with this difference, to work with conflict.”
“Conflict actually is creative. Differences and disagreements give rise to new and innovative solutions. Anger and confrontation can spur development, and conflict is an opportunity. “ (Paul Smerz, paper delivered in seminar, 2016).